PMC Thought #6: Heart of Success' Law No. 5: Put Your Family Before Your Career

"Too often those of us heavily involved in the business world are in danger of losing out on our most important asset - our family" - Sir Tom Farmer, Chairman and CEO of Kwik Fit Holdings.

Of all the laws contained in the book Heart of Success, the first and this one are my favorites.

In this chapter, Rob Parsons discussed about the current environment for those individuals in the corporate or business world who are trying to make it to the top.  This chapter is also, if not, one of the longest.  Here, Parsons deal share a lot of stories and experiences about people who are trying to ahead of the race.

I am sure that you are not unfamiliar with stories of people trading hours and hours at the office or doing business thinking that they are doing it for their families and loved ones.  As Parsons said,

"We live in a society that so often measures our success by what we own, the kind of house we live in, the car we drive and where we can afford to go on holiday.  But we do well not just to ask the price of these things, but the cost - how much extra time we have to work to pay for them."

Indeed our time on earth is limited.  How are you spending your time in here?  How much do you spend with people who matter.

Let me share with you my own life story and that of the many who have labored at the expense of their relationships.

I worked for four years in the biggest professional services firm in the country. It is an environment where competition is high and expectations exceeds the height of the office building.  Maybe that's because it dedicated itself to hire only those that excel in their college days or in the licensure examination.  To cut the story short, I was one of the people who would report to work on weekends, stay awake at night and skip holidays for the sake of work.  My birthday falls during the so called busy season.  Even if I would like to take a leave and spend it with my family and loved ones, I have no other choice but to report for work.  My family missed me during those important days of my life.  And I missed it even more.  It matters to me.  The sad thing was, there were times you thought you've worked hard but your hard work didn't seem to be "hard" enough.

When I moved out of the firm more than a year ago, after four years of hard labor, do you think the firm missed me?  Yes, it is true that I earned every experiences and technical knowledge that I needed to land a higher paying job.  And I am thankful to the firm for rubbing off on me such kind of prestige, carrying its name in my resume.  But one thing I know, the firm didn't and won't even miss me.  I will be surprised if it's door would even remember me.  There are lots of young and more brilliant individual out there waiting to get in to its doors.  Why would I matter, especially now that I've left?

Rob Parsons asked, "Why would we live like that?  What amount of money or power would lure us into an existence where we have an incredible standard of living but such low quality of life?  What drives us is the illusion of the race."  Parsons continued, "Reality is the Olympic marathon runner, getting up at five in the morning to endure darkness and cold as he pounds the roads in training.  It is the forsaking of time with family, or friends, or entertainment, because of the immediate future the race must be all... And as he runs the  streets he dreams of the moment when he ascends the winner's rostrum and holds his medal high as his country's anthem is played."

"Now imagine the unthinkable," Parsons said.  "Imagine that the training was for forty years... But at the very last moment an official comes and says, 'There is no prize.  There is no medal.  The winner's rostrum was an illusion.'"

Before you came to the end of that 'forty-year-preparation' for the imaginary winner's rostrum in business and in work, weigh your priorities.  Are you really working for the people you love?  Are your really spending too much time at work so that you could have quality time with your family? For whom do you really work?

Parsons, also shared this story about a US business who went to small fishing village in Mexico.  Let me share it with your the shorter version that I've found from the internet.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City ! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

With just the hint of twinkle in his eye, the fisherman said, "Senior - are these business degrees hard to get?"

Sorry for the long post today.  I told you this is one of my favorite chapters.  There are lot more to learn in that chapter especially on the "Executive Briefing" section but I can't write it all down here for I have other 'relationships' I need to attend to (wink).

So if you are interested and you want to know more, I suggest you get the book.  It'll be worth every penny you'll invest.

"A man should never neglect his family for business." -Walt Disney

I do not say that you should not work hard.  What am I saying is just know your priorities.  And most of the time, it is the relationships that we often neglect.  Why?  Because we know that if all our suppliers, customers, employees, employers, creditors leave us, our family will still be there for us.  

To Your Success in Life and in Love,

J. Roy

Author of The Five Successful Ways To Fail (Things You Weren't Told About Success)