PMC Thought #6: Heart of Success' Law No. 5: Put Your Family Before Your Career

"Too often those of us heavily involved in the business world are in danger of losing out on our most important asset - our family" - Sir Tom Farmer, Chairman and CEO of Kwik Fit Holdings.

Of all the laws contained in the book Heart of Success, the first and this one are my favorites.

In this chapter, Rob Parsons discussed about the current environment for those individuals in the corporate or business world who are trying to make it to the top.  This chapter is also, if not, one of the longest.  Here, Parsons deal share a lot of stories and experiences about people who are trying to ahead of the race.

I am sure that you are not unfamiliar with stories of people trading hours and hours at the office or doing business thinking that they are doing it for their families and loved ones.  As Parsons said,

"We live in a society that so often measures our success by what we own, the kind of house we live in, the car we drive and where we can afford to go on holiday.  But we do well not just to ask the price of these things, but the cost - how much extra time we have to work to pay for them."

Indeed our time on earth is limited.  How are you spending your time in here?  How much do you spend with people who matter.

Let me share with you my own life story and that of the many who have labored at the expense of their relationships.

I worked for four years in the biggest professional services firm in the country. It is an environment where competition is high and expectations exceeds the height of the office building.  Maybe that's because it dedicated itself to hire only those that excel in their college days or in the licensure examination.  To cut the story short, I was one of the people who would report to work on weekends, stay awake at night and skip holidays for the sake of work.  My birthday falls during the so called busy season.  Even if I would like to take a leave and spend it with my family and loved ones, I have no other choice but to report for work.  My family missed me during those important days of my life.  And I missed it even more.  It matters to me.  The sad thing was, there were times you thought you've worked hard but your hard work didn't seem to be "hard" enough.

When I moved out of the firm more than a year ago, after four years of hard labor, do you think the firm missed me?  Yes, it is true that I earned every experiences and technical knowledge that I needed to land a higher paying job.  And I am thankful to the firm for rubbing off on me such kind of prestige, carrying its name in my resume.  But one thing I know, the firm didn't and won't even miss me.  I will be surprised if it's door would even remember me.  There are lots of young and more brilliant individual out there waiting to get in to its doors.  Why would I matter, especially now that I've left?

Rob Parsons asked, "Why would we live like that?  What amount of money or power would lure us into an existence where we have an incredible standard of living but such low quality of life?  What drives us is the illusion of the race."  Parsons continued, "Reality is the Olympic marathon runner, getting up at five in the morning to endure darkness and cold as he pounds the roads in training.  It is the forsaking of time with family, or friends, or entertainment, because of the immediate future the race must be all... And as he runs the  streets he dreams of the moment when he ascends the winner's rostrum and holds his medal high as his country's anthem is played."

"Now imagine the unthinkable," Parsons said.  "Imagine that the training was for forty years... But at the very last moment an official comes and says, 'There is no prize.  There is no medal.  The winner's rostrum was an illusion.'"

Before you came to the end of that 'forty-year-preparation' for the imaginary winner's rostrum in business and in work, weigh your priorities.  Are you really working for the people you love?  Are your really spending too much time at work so that you could have quality time with your family? For whom do you really work?

Parsons, also shared this story about a US business who went to small fishing village in Mexico.  Let me share it with your the shorter version that I've found from the internet.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City ! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

With just the hint of twinkle in his eye, the fisherman said, "Senior - are these business degrees hard to get?"

Sorry for the long post today.  I told you this is one of my favorite chapters.  There are lot more to learn in that chapter especially on the "Executive Briefing" section but I can't write it all down here for I have other 'relationships' I need to attend to (wink).

So if you are interested and you want to know more, I suggest you get the book.  It'll be worth every penny you'll invest.

"A man should never neglect his family for business." -Walt Disney

I do not say that you should not work hard.  What am I saying is just know your priorities.  And most of the time, it is the relationships that we often neglect.  Why?  Because we know that if all our suppliers, customers, employees, employers, creditors leave us, our family will still be there for us.  

To Your Success in Life and in Love,

J. Roy

Author of The Five Successful Ways To Fail (Things You Weren't Told About Success)

PMC Thought #5: Heart of Success' Law No. 4: Believe in the Power of Dreams

It's been almost 10 days since our last post on our Heart of Success series.  We are now at number four.  Only three more to go and we will be through with our first series of lessons.

For the first time visitors, you may ask why are we talking about Heart of Success if this is Pinoy Millionaires Circle.  Why don't we just talk of being millionaires?  I know you would ask that.  Well, that's because first of all, we would like to set the correct mindset.  If we are trying to climb the ladder of success, we would like to ensure that that ladder is leaning at the correct wall.

So, for those who have just joined us in this series, you may also like to revisit our first article for this series.


To continue,  for today we are going to talk about Heart of Success by Rob Parsons Law No. 4:  Believe in the power of dreams.

There are people who dream dreams.  There are those who achieved and there are those who don't.  To many of us, dreamers are those people who never get things done.  Partly right, partly not.  Because sometimes, all these people need are dream-catchers.  Parsons identified these dream-catchers as men and women of vision, sometimes called 'can do' people.  Dream-catchers are the opposite of dream-killers.

Parsons added that, "...there are lots of disappointments and failures along the way.  But learning how to live with failure is part of the stock-in-trade of the dreamer."


But more than just having a dream is a need to plant a seed.  Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's, according to Parsons, realized his dream of selling hamburgers all over USA by making a phone call and "asked how much it would cost to purchase some rolls and beef.  It started when he... began."  According to Parsons,

"Almost everybody you meet has a dream.  [I often talked to people who tell me that] one day they will write a book, learn a language, get fit or spend more time with their family.  Every one of those dreams is real and sincere.  And yet few of those dreams will ever be caught-will never be translated into reality.  If dreams are the hope, and beginning is the key, then what stops us from getting started, giving birth to our visions?"

 And the reason we often give for not starting on with our dreams is "Time."  It's as if we are deprived of time more than anyone else.  But the truth is, each one of us is given exactly the same amount of time everyday.  We live in the world where the gadgets we buy and possess are supposed to free up some of our time but in the end, we feel like having less than we used to have.

Dreams, according to Parsons, are contagious.

There was once a man named Roger Bannister who dreamed of breaking the record of running a mile under four minutes.  A lot of people told him that it was not possible and no one has ever done that in history.  Even medical professionals told him that the human body was not designed to endure that kind of torture.  But Bannister had a dream.  In 1954, Roger Bannister finished a one-mile run in 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds.  At the end of 1957, sixteen other people broke the four minute mile barrier.

If you have a dreamer in your company, in your home, in your circle of friends, encourage them to reach for their dreams.  Along the way, he might just influence many others like him - including you.

You have the right to dream to.

Parsons also related his own personal story.  When he was young, at the bottom of his class, he met a man named Arthur who became his dream-catcher.  One day, Arthur told him that he has a gift for public speaking.  Parsons never thought about that before.  But later on, Arthur proved to be correct all along for Parsons became, according to his own words, "a joint senior partner in a large provincial legal practice, had co-founded one of the most successful legal consultancies in the United Kingdom, was lecturing to lawyers across the world, and had been a keynote speaker at international law conferences."  Rob Parsons found his dream-catcher in the person of Arthur.

You and I have our dreams.  But how long are we going to keep those dreams in our pockets instead of planting it on a little pot, putting in a little sunshine and watering it regularly?  If you have a dream, pursue it.  What do you have to lose when you do?  Compare that to what you will lose when you don't.  At the end of our lives, we will not regret the things that we did, but rather the things we didn't do.  Don't let it happen to you.  Be a dream-catcher for yourself and for others.  

At the end of the chapter, Rob Parsons again listed down his "Executive Briefings." Although I am tempted to list them all down here, let me just give you the first one which he called the thieves of time. Here are they:

• I put off making decisions
• I don't establish my priorities
• I can't say "No"
• I am often interrupted
• I find it hard to delegate
• I rarely have time to plan
• I love meetings

Which of those are the ones who steal your time?  Don't you think it is about time to win over them and pursue your dreams?

***

P.S.

This article and those that precede it based on the book The Heart of Success (Making it in Business Without Losing in Life) by Rob Parsons.  I don't have the rights to reproduce the said books and I acknowledge the rights of Mr. Parsons to it.  I am simply trying to help in spreading the learning I got from reading it. This articles are no substitute for Mr. Parsons' own wisdom.  If you want to learn more, I suggest that you buy the original copy of the book.

P.P.S.

Still on dreams, I once dreamt of writing my own book and I still do.  As of this writing, my own little book "The Five Successful Ways to Fail (Things You Weren't Told About Success)" is already published and available at amazon.com.

PMC Thought #4: Heart of Success' Law No. 3: Play to Your Strengths, Find Your Factor X

Pardon me for the short hiatus in our Heart of Success series.

For Law No. 3, Rob Parsons gave the illustration based on the story "Animal Farm" by George Orwell.  It is a story where pigs rule over a farmhouse and the humans are out.

In one instance, the pigs are talking about the tasks that were never completed by other animals.  As the Owl was kicked out from the board room, he walked around the farm house and noticed that cows are hatching the eggs, chickens are guarding the corn-store, the squirrel is taking a swimming lesson and a turkey just fell from an oak tree. 

Simply put, the animals are doing jobs they are not meant to do. 

Relate this to our lives, it means that we have to align our skills and capabilities to whatever we do.  This holds true for the people under us.  Not because one great salesman could perform better above the others would mean that he is also meant to be a great manager.  Parsons said, “don’t give him bigger office, give him bigger challenges.”  Well, it doesn’t mean that he should not be promoted at all.  It means that give him challenges where he can excel and be more using his own unique gift.

Parsons further added that the “key to the heart of success for both individuals and companies is to discover what [I] call Factor X and then be set free to use it.  Factor X is the ability in a man or woman that is a natural strength – it sets them apart from the pack. 

Imagine if Michael Jordan, with some twist of fate, decided to pursue boxing or golf.   We would have missed perhaps the greatest basketball player.

In the end, Parsons quoted from Quentin Crisp the following words:

“It’s no good running a pig farm badly for thirty years while saying, ‘Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.’  By that time pigs will be your style.”

Let me say this from my own point of view.  Discover your strengths.  Find your Factor X and maximize it.  And I dare say, DO IT NOW!

In our journey towards success, remember that we can’t just sit and watch things unfold.  It would be like lions watching rats dining on the zebras.

For the executive briefing, Parsons suggested the following:

  Find somebody whose opinion you value and ask the following:

·        What do you consider to be my main gift or skill?

·        Can you think of any steps I could take to use that skills more effectively?

·        Am I in the right organization?

·        Where do you feel I could be of most value in my organization?

·        Is there a skill that my organization needs that I could acquire?

Ask yourself:

·        If I could choose, what job or role would I love to try?

·        What tasks come easily to me?

·        Is most of my time spent doing things that play to my strength?

·        How important is it to me to have the opportunity to do what I am best at?  What if it meant forgoing career progressions and financial rewards for the chance to do it?

There you have it PMCers, law no.3 of our Heart of Success by Rob Parsons series.  Until next post!

To your success,

J. Roy

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(All articles from this series were the author’s personal interpretation from the book Heart of Success by Rob Parsons.  The author is neither licensed nor representing the original author of said book)